


I'm Here

by Kestrealbird



Series: Dysfunctional Family [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Comfort, Genderfluid Loki, Good Bro Thor, Hurt/Comfort, I have a lot of feeling about these two can you tell, Implied/Referenced Torture, Infinity War never happened, Loki's been through some shit, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Other, Shapeshifters dont care about Gender Binaries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 17:21:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14525532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kestrealbird/pseuds/Kestrealbird
Summary: It’s been such a long time - small compared to their long life-spans perhaps, but long all the same - since she’s shifted to suit her inner appearance like this.





	I'm Here

**Author's Note:**

> Listen I love these two siblings with all my heart and I had to do something for Genderfluid Loki I just had to yall I have so many thoughts and feelings about this damn. I know I tagged this series as 'Infinity War never happened' but its more like 'Infinity War didn't crush my soul at the end and here's what really happened so fuck canon' you know?

They’re ecstatic the first time she appears as a girl, with delicate skin and fluttering lashes. A true shapeshifter, they called her, and she preened at the praise. Shapeshifters cared very little about one specific gender; and why would they, when they could easily shift between whatever they wished to be at the time?

They fawn over her beauty, her soft lips and defined, sharper features. A delicate deadliness hidden in her breast. She’s so happy to be praised and fawned over that she forgets these are the same features she’s always had, and that it’s only her biology which is different. At first she assumes this form she’s chosen is simply a way to show off her skills, rare as it is for her to feel like taking it, but over time…

Sometimes, Loki feels like a girl, a woman, and decides to shift to suit that feeling. Longer legs, wider hips, slight changes that make her different from her normal appearance yet still feel undeniably _her_.

They dress her in the finest silks and robes, all delicacy and royalty, but she hates it with a passion. Hates the way they look at her with stars in their eyes when this is _not who she is_. She isn’t a Princess to be wooed off her feet by some warrior or blacksmith, and she most certainly isn’t a delicate flower to be doted upon like a well-bred animal.

Her mother notices her discomfort yet there is nothing she can say because her mother has always preferred the finer things in life over the leathers her daughter is so used to.

Thor is the one who frowns and steps in. It’s him who gives her a dress of dark green, delicate, yes, but sharp and deadly, with protective boots and a coat of wolf-fur. She almost cries when she sees herself in the pools; oh but she looks beautiful, like a poisonous snake waiting in the grass to strike and her brother grins at her when she shoves him playfully into the water.

He always did understand her best.

It’s heartbreaking when they begin to drift apart. Even more so because neither of them realize it until Thor is cast down to Midgard, stripped of his powers, and Loki is left learning harmful truths about his heritage that leave him quaking with fear of himself.

Odinson, Laufeyson, Odinson, Laufeyson, which one was he, did it really matter? Falling, falling, falling.

_Please love me and tell me I’m your child!!_

“No, Loki.”

She almost regretted not wearing a dress for the occasion.

Who is she now? Is she still Loki, the Shapeshifter? Loki, God of Lies and Mischief? Or was she Loki, scared pawn of Thanos who craved the little nods of validation whenever she did something _right_ , whenever she stopped screaming from the pain, stopped questioning if she should really be taking these lives for him.

He wasn't a father - was barely a _creature_ , really - but praise was still praise and Norns, did she crave it.

And then there was Thor, and that's all she could see, all she could hear, and of course he’d be the one to make her screw it all up, him and his stupid sentiments that had her second-guessing and making crucial mistakes all because she subconsciously craved her brothers warmth and love and comfort.

Taken back to Asgard, their mother dead shortly thereafter, but he’d never felt more alive than he did on this ship with his brother; had never felt more like himself in so long then when the familiar banter fell past his lips and Thor responded in kind.

But he was still a monster, and Thor had always been the better sibling. At least this way, even if it was all a lie, their people would love him as they had Odin. He was the God of Lies, after all, and he knew better than most how long it took for a lie to become an undisputed truth.

So much happens with Hela. Too much, even, for either of them to keep track of. But they’d talked in that elevator, and then talked more in the ship. They’ve rekindled a bond long lost - never broken, no matter how much fate tried to twist it.

And Thor has no hair and his eye is missing but he is a _King_ , and their people are safe and Bruce - Hulk, even? - are an...ally, so to speak. The Valkyrie is tough, but she makes for good company when he wishes to seek out silent refuge. Asgard is a place, not a people, and they have added more Asgardians since Sakaar. Perhaps they are not Aesir, but they still belong here, in this place.

Thanos comes for them. It is all a mess that he - she? - hardly remembers but they remember pain and fear and _Thor, Thor, Thor, BROTHER!!_

They remember...being brought back from the dead, perhaps, or maybe they’d never died to begin with, but Thanos is defeated and things are corrected and she’s crying in her brother’s arms, clinging to him for dear life because that had felt so much like the end and what if this is all an elaborate dream, one last torture from Thanos?

But Thor is here, unwavering even in his tears and strong embrace, and the Avengers - there are so many of them now - are picking up their own broken pieces and Bruce vouches for her presence and they’re far too tired to argue so they give her half-hearted warnings and then leave her to her brother and it’s more than she deserves but it’s all that she wants.

It’s been such a long time - small compared to their long life-spans perhaps, but long all the same - since she’s shifted to suit her inner appearance like this.

They are staying in Wakanda while everything is dealt with, and the clothing here is….nice. Princess Shuri helps her with the layers and the braids and she wonders if Hela would have done this for her had Odin not tempered her into a self-destructive blade like the rest.

The first one to speak when she walks into the main living area is, surprisingly, Stark, but isn’t a condescending remark, or even a snarky comment. “So,” he says, “is this just a thing you do now and again or..?”

“Sometimes I wish to be a woman, yes.”

“Cool, cool. We’ll get you some new clothes for it, then.”

She blinks at his acceptance, at his desire to _help_ but there is only honesty in his gaze, his voice, no matter how much it wavers from past events. It feels...overwhelming to have them accept her so readily like this, as if all her past deeds simply mean nothing in the grand scale of things. It’s the tiniest bit insulting, actually.

Thor looks at her, a smile gracing his lips, and he’s clearly tempted to throw something at her, just to test if she’s still here - it’s become a bit of a habit - but her dumb, overly caring brother isn't sure if he’s allowed so she spares him the trouble and sits so close to him that he feels her shoulders brush against his own.

He doesn't hesitate to lean into her space, to absorb the warmth she exudes, and Loki leans into him, too. His voice is soft, barely a whisper, when he speaks. “It’s been a long time hasn’t it, sister?”

She swallows the lump in her throat. “It has,” she agrees, just as quietly. A pause and then, “I missed this. Missed you.”

Thor says nothing. He doesn't need to. She thinks back to all those times when she felt unloved and unwanted and almost laughs at her own foolishness for not noticing that Thor, her brother, the only one who’d ever been able to read her mind, had never stopped loving her at all.

He doesn't need to say anything, not anymore, but it’s nice to hear it spoken, regardless. “I’m here, Loki. I always have been and I always will be.”


End file.
